The Times They Are A-Changing

Lola has to leave (moving). I understand, but I am sad.

Chris and Connie, very close friends, are also moving - far, far away.

Bob will be moving out on his own soon.

Another person close to me has also announced plans to move.

All of these departures will be this month, next month at very latest.

PJ is losing friends. I am losing friends. We do understand. We even support. But we can't help but feel deep sadness and loneliness. Just can't help it.

Alone ... again ... naturally.

Apartment Hunting

So, the Ex has been busy apartment hunting. He needs a one room, or one bedroom, place. Only problem is, it needs to be no more than roughly $450/month, furnished, and the utilities need to be included in the rent.

Sigh. Right. So then - fingers tightly crossed (and prayers flying fervently heaven-ward) that miracles do still happen -- because he can not, MUST not, end up back here with us.

Halloween 2009

For a change, even I joined in the fun this year! I dressed natural ... as a witch! Yes, the mask finally came off!



Annnnnddddd.... they begged me to put my mask back on!



PJ and I even dressed up to visit the Ex in the nursing home! Staff thought it was awesome! First, PJ and Dad ....



And yes, even I dressed up and walked into the nursing home in costume! I even drove the Ex around town for 4 hours, so he could have a bit of any outing and run some errands! He is actually walking fairly well, with a cane. Now if only PJ's system would stop trying to reject his transplant, my life would be perfect!

Early Winter Storms

Why am I working from home today, in my warm pajamas?? A slideshow of pics around town of yesterday's and today's early winter storm, courtesy of The Examiner, a local news service:

http://www.examiner.com/ExaminerSlideshow.html?entryid=699687&slide=1

And another visual ... we're in the 10-18 inches sector ...

And one more visual...more walking than driving being done (courtesy of AP photos)!



Lastly, for YouTube addicts, news of our precipitation event here in the Wild West has even made it to YouTube!



Yes, that's right ... the WEATHER is the leading topic of conversation in these here parts! Exciting, huh? LOL!

Morning Commute

My morning commute this morning! Driver's view, from behind the steering wheel. Do you see a road? Or a difference between the road and the rest of the countryside? My normal view on this road is a proliferation of snow capped mountains cluttering up the horizon!

Roller Coasters

It's been a roller coaster ride with regard to battling rejection. Last doctor visit: rejection reversed. This morning's doctor visit: full blown rejection has returned. Doctor had to give PJ a shot in his eye. Not fun. Not fun at all. And we are back to anti-rejection drops every hour on the hour (rather than every 2 hours), and weekly doctor visits (rather than every other week).

And so the roller coaster ride continues...

Fun

I'm in a lingering foul mood. Has to do with suddenly realizing that I've forgotten how to have fun, and that there's no one to have fun with anyway. I've been so focused on being the mature, responsible adult for my son and Ex (and just about everyone else I know or have ever known) ... that I've completely forgotten how to have fun.

I know only how to be responsbile. And reliable. And strong. And boring.

And that kinda pisses me off. And depresses me. "So go figure out how to get happy, already!" I can hear you say. Right! Easier said than done. Church surmon this past Sunday was on rest, and our paster asked "What is the main stumbling block to you getting one full day a week to rest?" I thought about that, and had to answer "Getting everyone else to go along with the plan."

And that is the same stumbling block to me rediscovering how to have fun: how to politely tell everyone to take their demands and expectations of me ... and jump off the nearest 30-story roof with them!

Strength

I've come to accept that I just might be strong. Might be true. But that scares me. I mean, I've been "strong" for so many, for so long. Family. Friends. Family. It is inevitable that, someday, my strength will be no more. What then? There will be no one around willing, or able, to be "strong" for me. I feel certain of this. I say this only because I've already experienced it.

A Conundrum

A life of secrets, lies and dark shadows will always imprison you, giving power to only your enemies. Just a little digging, and all you tried to hide is revealed to them forever, to use against you at will, holding you hostage forever.

However.

A life lived openly and honestly, warts and all, offers no fuel to those seeking to harm. How can it? If you make a point of being the very first to own and admit your follies, foibles, transgressions, fears, weaknesses, sins, darkness and silliness -- you effectively snuff the flame before it ever sparks. Poof! Nothing at all to work with! Takes the fun right out of it. They will move on.

And therein lies the rub.

If you are to live openly and honestly, you must indeed be strong. For though certainly you will have freedom from persecution, you will also be freed from persecutors. Many of those will likely be people near and dear to you. Even when clearly you are not near and dear to them.

And that will hurt. A lot. And for a very long time.

What price freedom? Indeed.

Terminix To My Rescue!

Let's see. What have I been up to lately? "Lately" being defined as past 3-4 weeks!

Hmmmm. Well, let's see. There's been the furnace to get fixed. And PJ's corneal transplant rejection. And Ex's loan shark, gambling, and porn website follies. Not to mention amputation of all his toes on left foot, and me forbidding him to live with us ever again.

Oh ... and last but not least ...

The mice!

As of 9am this morning, however, mice are no longer a concern! Terminix arrived right on time, traps have been layed, house has been sprayed, quarterly visits have been arranged. Just a matter of time. And patience.

Quick! Anyone have any time and patience I can borrow? LOL!

Say your prayers, little mousy! You are history!




My only regret? I had to throw the colander away as well. I really liked that colander too ... Lola gave it to me! Crap. Damn mice!

A Slight Hiccup

A bit of a startling eye doctor appointment today: small signs of rejection. The doctor doesn't seem too concerned, so I'm taking my cue from her. She suspects that since PJ was sick last week, his immune system "kicked into high gear" to cure the sickness, and in so doing "recognized" the "other" foreign matter (the cornea). For now the treatment is to revert to former aggressive treatments: visits that were 3-weeks apart, are now back to once every week. And the anti-rejection drops that were twice a day, are now once every hour (except when sleeping).

PJ said he had the perfect answer: He's just going to sleep a lot!

Newsflash

This just in from Favorite Son:

"OK. I just farted, my brain's working again."

Go 'Way

I don't care what profession you're in, there's just nothing professional about bad-mouthing your competition to your customer. Especially when you do it every chance you get. And it sure in heck isn't the way to endear me to you and gain more of my business!

I'm just saying ...

What Should I Be When I Grow Up

Your Career Personality: Original, Devoted, and Service Oriented

Your Ideal Careers: Art director Book editor College professor Composer Film director Graphic designer Novelist Stage actor Psychiatrist Writer

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

Blogthings Says My Ex Is Dependent

Your Ex is Dependent

Your ex is dependent on others for almost everything - and has trouble accepting responsibility. Your ex is not able to be independent and fears being alone. People with dependent personality disorder feel helpless when a relationship ends and need constant reassurance. Sound at all familiar?

What's Wrong With Your Ex?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

The really sad footnote is: Bob has lost his battle to save his toes. The wound from the last toe amputation has been officially termed non-healing and incurable. They will amputate half of the foot (all toes plus a few inches above the toes ... essentially the entire ball area of the foot) tomorrow at 2pm mountain time. The only other choices were to spend the rest of his life on IV antibiotics, or to lose his leg entirely. The surgeon says he will still be able to walk after this amputation, with the aid of a specially made shoe.

Bob wanted me to make this decision for him. I refused. I told him my medical power of attorney over him did not kick in until and unless he was unable to make his own decisions. I told him he was nowhere near that stage yet. I suggested he talk extensively with the doctor and make the choice he was most comfortable with, after long and careful consideration.

So you're probably asking yourself, "What's the connection between the Blogthings quiz results above, and this little footnote?"

We are divorced, he is yet of sound mind (well - as sound as his mind can be) ... and when the surgeon walked into the room with this news today ... he literally put the doctor on hold, tells him to stay put, and calls me! His ex wife! To make the decision for him!

Dependent? Ya Think? Oy Vay!

Nostalgia

I got to reminiscing the other day.
And then I got nostalgic.

I remembered a friend, back when I lived in Chicago, who had the habit of calling and leaving impromptu voicemail messages, like those following here in a bit, on all her friends' phones (and she had a lot of friends).

Now keep in mind: this was before the invention of IM, texting cell phones, or being able to create "groups" to call en masse, so yes -- each of these were made individually, spur of the moment...and she was totally serious! And yes, she really existed and really did this.

"Hiya! Just put a big pot o' chili on! Drop on by if you're in the neighborhood! We've got plenty!"

Or ...

"Tonight's movie and popcorn night -- come on by! Yep, right now!"

Or ...

"Hey baby it's cold outside! I've a big pot of homemade soup on the stove, and bread in the oven. C'mon over!"

Or (mostly on Sundays) ...

"It's spaghetti day! C'mon over!"

That friend used to really annoy the Hell outta me!

I mean of all the gall! Did she really expect folks to just drop everything and come a runnin'? Get real! People are busy, for Pete's sake!! They can't simply trash their schedules and appointments just to accommodate her silly ass! Who does she think she is, anyway?

But you know what? I really miss her! And I really miss what she was trying to do. She was all about being a true friend, about having an open door policy 24/7. She was all about community. Come as you are, sit down and rest a bit, eat a bit, relax!!

I'm thinking of trying it every now and again.
No really ... I am.
Good thing I've got a big freezer, just in case no one ever shows up!

East

You Are East

Like many Asian cultures, you tend to be reserved and conservative. You don't believe that your internal emotional life is anyone's business. People admire that you are together and responsible. You're the type of person who seems to be living a good life. Sometimes you come across as a bit cold and humorless. You only show the easygoing side of yourself to people you know well. You make a good judge of ethical issues. You see right and wrong easily, without letting emotion color your opinion.

Are You North, South, East, or West?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

Spicy Sweet Potato Pasta Salad

(For a crowd!)...

Helicopter

Ugh!

How does one convince others to reach for the Brass Ring, to aspire to excellence rather than normalcy, to reject mediocrity because they deserve so much better, to lead rather than follow, to reinvent themselves and write their own ticket simply because they can (and should)?

How does one do this when the audience is consistently apathetic?

Sigh. I'm in way over my head. If anyone out there has words of inspiration for this wannabe inspirer, I'm all ears.