Friday, July 08, 2011

Me and Things Electric Ain't Friends

Nearly pissed myself laughing at myself earlier tonight!

Gruelingly long Friday at the end of an equally grueling week. Son is away this weekend with friends, so all I want to do is get home, get in my pajamas, flop in front of television ...AND NOT MOVE!! 

So I walk thru the door like a woman possessed:  shoes off, dogs quickly taken care of, pajamas thrown on.  I think the shirt is on backwards and the shorts are inside-out, but who the hell cares, right?  I make a quick sandwich, flop down in my favorite chair with remote in hand, hit the On button and .... Nothing!!  I check the satellite box, no power light!  I press the button, still no light.  I look around, don't see anything glaringly wrong. 

By now I'm muttering under my breath, automatically assuming son is the culprit.  He loves to wire it up to his Xbox, Wii, what-have-you - knowing full well I've no freaking clue how to work around it all!  I spend a few more irritating minutes looking at everything, fiddling with the remote, and muttering under my breath.  Nothing!

So guess what I did? You got it!  I called my son just so's I could be all pissy at him and make him as irritated as I was! 

Fortunately, my son is a much bigger person than I am.  He tried walking me, calmly, through a few logical options, and when that failed - he suggested I call a neighbor or call the satellite company.  I pissily thanked him for nothing, hung up, muttered ... and then did as he suggested!  After an irritating 10 mins listening to an inane and infuriating automated menu I finally ended up screaming "I want to TALK to someone!!" into the receiver. 

Amazingly, the menu understood and connected me to a human being! 

As calmly as I could (which really wasn't anywhere near calmly at all), I explained that I had no TV. That there was no light on the receiver.  Much more calmly than I had managed, the human voice on the other end asked me, "Please check the power cord on the back of the satellite box."  What?  What power cord?? There was a "satellite in" cord, and a "TV out" cord (at least I think that's what they said - who can read print that tiny?), but no power cord!  To which she asked (again, calmly and not at all condescendingly - I've no idea how she managed it!!), "Do you see where the power cord should be?"  Uh-huh. Yup, sure do.  And it's empty as empty can be!  Somehow managing to not laugh at me (again - no clue how she managed it), she asked me to look around for the power cord - she'd be happy to wait.  I put the phone down to do as she asked, but also to put some distance between her and myself so she wouldn't hear me start to crack up! 

Well waddyaknow!!  Shore enuf, I found the blasted thing laying all forlorn-like on the floor!  Shaking from laughter, I plugged it back in, and in less than a minute - voila!!  TV!! 

I apologized as humbly and coherently as I could to the saintly voice on the other end of the phone, hung up ... and then proceeded to practically piss myself laughing!  And y'all will be happy to know that I texted my son to let him off the hook, and to give him and all his friends a good laugh as well!  O.O


Middle Child said...

hahahaha bloody ha - sounds like me - hate hate hate the new tech stuff - once it was sooo simple - plug it in turn it on and bazooka

Eternally Curious said...

Yup - totally agree, MC!

The Phosgene Kid said...

If I get angry I play GTA4 Liberty City. After running down a bunch of innocent badasses while driving recklessly down crowded sidewalks I feel pretty good.